The Grind

I've been debating on how to start this entry, and figured I just wing it and explore some issues I'm mulling about. One of them is to do another film. No matter how much I talk here I really want to get another chance to do another film. Doing a first film is quite eye opening and you learn a lot. I want to apply that knowledge of what I learned and try again, but motivation is a problem. How do I motivate myself to do another film. How do I get myself to jump through all those hoops to do another film? With Sundance happening right now I guess the desire to do another film is high, but as I read about Sundance I am dismayed by how insular that world really is. I mean do I really have a chance to get in such a festival. I've tried to enter several festivals with "Deadly Obsessions" and I've always hit a brick wall. I even questioned the films quality. I mean when so many doors are shut in your face it doesn't take long for self doubt to set in.

Then again I've watched so many other films that I think aren't as good, but have gotten distribution or a festival run and know in my heart of hearts that its not sometimes the product but the people. I have no inside information on these festivals, and I know no one on the selection committee. It does seem that knowing some of the organizers of these festivals is a helpful way of possible getting into one of the festivals. I'm not crying foul or anything. I mean we all gyrate to what we know. I'm just a guy with a film about a marriage going to hell. Deadly Obsessions is a film that isn't very hopeful or sunny. In fact its pretty mean at its core. I realize that maybe the film could be cut shorter too, but still it would have the same problem as being a very depressing film. So what to do? I've decided to move on, and I want to do another film. I'm done with "Deadly Obsessions". I don't have the energy to work on it any more. I'll continue to support it, and try to do right by it by providing a self distribution path through the Internet. I'm even trying to cut a better trailer for the film to put up on the website. I've taken down the one that was on it.

So that leads me to another project. Another film. I want it to say something and I'm not sure what. I know I'll be working on it for sometime, but I don't want to take forever in creating it. I just want a story that's worthy to be put up onto the screen. In my youth I loved horror films, and I still enjoy them, but I just don't want to go down that road right now. I've burned out on them in my teens and young adulthood. I remember doing them with my friends, and working on them in my early film career. They were fun then, and now I want to say something more. I ant to go back to them someday, but first I want to say something else, and that's whats driving me to my next project. Of course I need to be fiscally responsible, and my budget will dictate my limits, so its not an easy tightrope to walk.

Meanwhile real life keeps muddling in and the grind goes on. It isn't easy to follow your dreams and raise a family at the same time. Compromise is always there, but the dream still lives on. It refuses to die, and be snuffed out, and the stories keep coming, so I'm still not out. It's just frustrating to not do what one really wants to do. Then again nothing worth doing is easy. If it was we all be doing it. So keep the faith Pilgrim and follow that dream. It's worth it in the end no matter how hard it is.