Okay so I've been having trouble writing something about my dad. It needs to be about him, and not about our relationship, or am I wrong? How can I write something about someone without having my own feelings put in there. Isn't it about the relationship?
Well no it isn't. It's about a mans decent into confusion & chaos. It about the man's feelings on loosing himself. I know, I know movies have been done about this. Most recently a film called "Away from her" by Sarah Polley has tackled this issue with great skill, and has been hailed by critics as a wonderful and powerful film. I have not seen the film since I was writing something that was similar, and I didn't not want to be dismayed by what I had written and what Ms Polley film had portrayed. In no way could I probably approach what Sarah Polley had done due to my budgetary restraints, but I am hoping to make it a true account of how my father felt as he was being taken from us ever so slowly.
Why do I write about this here? Partly to try and express the difficulty of writing good material. I know that it will take me some time to complete this project, but it is something I am passionate about, and its something I feel worth saying. I have no high expectations for this film other then to tell my fathers story to his grandchildren. The grandchildren he never got to see. The film is a worthwhile endeavor and something that I really want to make work. I don't know if I can pull it off given the budgetary constraints. Every time I think about the story I dread writing about it. I feel that I may never do justice to the memory of my father. As I write I seem to reject more ideas or material then I accept, and I know I'm self censoring myself at times. It's not about me, it's about a fathers journey. It spans 80's years, and a lifetime of achievements that are good and bad.
Finding the time, and getting it all down on paper seems a chore. I've at least identified what I want to do, but the task at hand still seems daunting. I know I can make a film. My first film showed me that, but this time it's personal and it means a lot more to me. Wish me luck I'm going to need it.